Monday, June 29, 2009

A bad start to a long trip

Marshall dog in the rental car ready to roll!

Greetings from a road side motel at Mt Carmel Junction outside Zion National Park in Utah where the sign out front says "Friendly to bikers!" I don't think they mean cyclists. We made it this far but we had a really bad start to our trip. Yeah, really, really bad. We got to Sun River, OR late Friday evening (typical late arrival for the Flecks) and as night was falling we were unable to find a campsite near the lake where Bill was racing in a triathlon the next day. We went to an area that is undeveloped camping area on Wickiup Reservoir and set up camp in the dark.

Sunset at Wickiup Reservoir

We slept well and felt rested the next day and after a quick breakfast, we loaded up the car with the camping gear and set out to get Bill to the triathlon. We didn't get far down the road when an older woman using a walker stepped into the road and asked us to stop. She thrust her cell phone at Bill and said, "Tell them where we are! He shot himself! I don't know where we are! He shot himself and I took away the gun!"

Bill remained completely calm, explained to the 911 dispatcher where we were, and then told them we would meet them at the end of the road and guide them to the location of the woman. The woman said something about the person being diabetic and that she didn't know if he was dead or alive. Fortunately, the ambulance appeared at the end of the road as soon as we got there. We guided them directly to the woman who stood exactly where we left her. We could see that someone else was with her and that the ambulance was there so after talking about it, we decided we should not get further involved.

Neither one of us wanted to see what was inside the camper or to find out what happened. We aren't emergency trained and we were traumatized enough by what we had encountered thus far. It felt wrong to leave, but we would have been in over our heads in this circumstance if we tried to help. How's that for a freaky start to the day?

Some dude posing at the swim start

We were late getting to the triathlon so I tried to drop Bill off down the road from the entrance when one of the race staff starts running down the road yelling at us, "Move your car! Do not stop there! We will disqualify you from the race if you unload there!" There were no cars around us, so we just ignored the hysterical dude and Bill hauled his stuff in to the race site while I parked the car elsewhere. Perspective dude, work on it.

Turns out the race was delayed because a cyclist who was warming up for the race was hit by a car and had to be life flighted out of the area and the road was temporarily closed. Basically, the day was turning into one bad scene after another.

The race itself was fine, for me, the spectator. It was hotter than expected and racers were coming in slow. The swim was slow (too long course) and the run times were slow (bad on course nutrition offerings and heat). Bill was a lot slower than his expected time and even though he was treating it as a training day, he was disappointed with his finish. Pissed off actually. Then he was nauseated and needed to lay down in the shade. I had to drag him out of there because we had a 5+ hour drive to Boise ID to face, you can imagine how fun that was for both of us.

Marshall is happy to be hanging in the sun!

Bill did get to take a cold shower at a friend's rental house before we left and we stopped for burgers before heading out of Bend, OR at 5:30 pm. The speed limit in this part of Oregon is 55 mph. I was driving and I thought I was going to fall asleep because I was going so slow and I battled just to drive for an hour while Bill slept. Long story short, Bill drank 3 sodas and took over driving. We got to Boise, ID around 11:45 pm (we lost an hour driving across the border) and searched for my friend's house where we planned to stay.

Bill finishing the 13.2 mile run after a 58 mile bike ride and a long 1.2 mile swim

My friend in Boise was out of town but offered us her place, which was very generous of her. Only there was a party going on at her house when we got there. A large group of people were sitting on the porch drinking beer so Bill went up to see what was going on when someone decided to take a leak off the front porch. We were out of there. I could not deal with a bunch of drunk people, not that late, after everything that had happened. We set out to find a hotel but joy oh flipping joy, the GPS was not working in Boise. So we drove around, finally getting a room near the airport and getting to bed at 1:30 am.

How's that for a freaking bad day? Things improved drastically when we woke up the next day but WOW! The best laid plans. Tomorrow, gorgeous photos of Park City UT and Bryce Canyon.

Friday, June 26, 2009

We're bringing the damn duct tape!

We're trying to organize this slightly epic road trip we're leaving on today and I'm always amused by the different ways my husband and I approach things. As soon as we decided to go on this trip, I purchased travel books, made a spreadsheet detailing each leg of the trip, and printed out maps of the areas we are traveling. My husband contacted his relatives we are visiting and then watched from afar as I packed our food, stuffed my suitcase, and asked him to do a million things before we leave.

The look on his face throughout all this is a mix of bemusement at his alien wife and mild panic that he has to go out of town. He doesn't like to act until the last minute.

Last night I'm chatting with him about what national park we should see in Utah when out of the blue he firmly says, "I'm bringing the duct tape!" My brain shut down, I could not for the life of me, figure out what he was talking about, so I started laughing my butt off. I guess he's worried about the air mattress leaking under the weight of his massively pregnant wife when we are camping. I'm going to make sure he brings that damn duct tape and that he damn well uses it too!

We are so weird. I'm planning to take a million photos on the trip and will blog when we have internet access. Here is our tentative itinerary:
  • Sunriver, OR (Pacific Crest triathlon)
  • Boise, ID
  • Park City, UT (Bill's aunt and uncle)
  • Zion or other national park in UT
  • Grand Canyon
  • Phoenix for 4 days (Bill's parents)
  • San Bernandino or other (business travel)
  • Stockton, CA (business)
  • Redding, CA (business)
  • Rogue River area in southern Oregon
We are limited by my pregnant belly on hiking in the heat but I'll do my best to take photos. I will try to blog Monday if possible and next Wednesday when we get to PHX. Have a great weekend and 4th of July!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

I know a little bit about a lot of things

Writing about gardening reminded me about how silly I think snobbery is. I love smart people and people who know a lot of stuff, but when you live in a college town, you are surrounded by experts who love to share their knowledge with the uneducated. Some examples:

Wine snobs: I truly enjoy a nice glass of wine but I don't have the time/money/interest in learning about the various wine regions and labels so I can be an appropriate aficionado. Should I not drink wine because I don't know about where the grapes come from? I think any wine snob that sits down to a glass of wine or two with me will agree that I should drink wine: I become incredibly smart and sexy after three big glasses of wine.

Garden experts: they know the names of every plant and grew everything from seed or a start. I think that's great! You can save a lot of money that way and you know what you are doing. Awesome! I still have to care for and maintain my yard and I don't really have an interest in gardening books or nurseries so... sorry! You can have a nice yard without knowing a whole lot. Don't get mad, have some wine.

Music enthusiasts: when it comes to actually playing music, in my experience, most people are pretty open to playing with people from a variety of skill levels. It's great just to see someone pick up an instrument and play. But people who LISTEN to music can be total snobs and identify themselves by the music they listen to. That's silly to me. It's like going to a Star Trek convention and thinking that makes you interesting. Ah, no it doesn't, unless you're 102 and got there on your own two feet without a walker.

Foodies: I get the desire for good food. Organic fruit and vegetables are amazing. But I think people that get super into food have "control" issues and use food to play that out in their daily lives. Just my arm chair psychoanalyst perspective. Life is too short not to enjoy a basket of fish and chips with vinegar and a delicious cold beer or two with it. And some cookies later on. oh baby!

That's the thing, life is short! There are so many things to experience and enjoy, I don't understand limiting yourself to having just those experiences for which you consider yourself an expert. I wish the experts and smart people would lighten up and quit being snobs. Ignorance is bliss!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Strawberries for idiots and steroid use

Last year a woman in my swimming class gave me a few strawberry plants that I planted but they didn't produce many berries. So I thought I would just plant more this year and when I saw a flat of strawberry plants at Costco I thought well here's your answer! They were $12 so I figured there were 12 plants and I would kill half of them just in getting them planted. Uh oops! I didn't kill any of them and there were 18 plants in the flat! We have over 20 strawberry plants in our small yard. Berries anyone?

Side note: this baby is kicking the heck out of me today. He must have had a word with his dad about my evening plans and decided to put the boots to me all day. It's girl's night out for dinner tonight, I had lunch with the office ladies at noon, and coffee with a girlfriend today so the men in my world might feel neglected. Bill tried to pout before I left this morning but then remembered he's spending 11 days on the road with me and decided a break might be nice. Anyhoooo! More before and after gardening photos:

Overgrown and half dead.

Many hours later this climbing monster is more manageable.
If it could talk it would say, "I'll be back!"

Starting to plant strawberries under this tree in any crevice available

Plants in Oregon are seriously on steroids.
Idiots should move here to garden.

Someone should cut these and put them in a vase.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Extreme yard makeover

We totally screwed up with our yard last fall and over the winter. We let everything get out of control and our once nice yard was a mess. We got help from my mom (seriously) and ripped a bunch of stuff out. Here are some before and after photos of a few sections we have completed...

Out of control bush that takes up too much space
and needs needs to be trimmed too often.

Space for five tomato plants of that will keep us in tomatoes all summer.
Our favorite!
Although now we see the fence needs to be repainted.

Flower bed is over-run with grass and old plants.

We ripped out the grass and old plants and added
new plants and bark. I love color!

Bill was outside last night laying the bark down until 9:45 pm, he really likes doing yard work which I love about him. We can be outside together for two hours working and barely say a word to each other but feel really connected and happy to be together. I estimate we spent ~$300 to update the yard and probably around 20-30 hours or labor to get everything ripped out and re-planted.

Tomorrow I'll show how I ended up with 20 strawberry plants in our yard (oops) and what we did with the other overgrown monsters in our yard. Then it's on to making space for baby!!!

BTW, you can grow anything where we live in Oregon. We aren't gardening geniuses, I don't even know the names of most of the plants in our yard. Some more photos from the yard...

Grow tomatoes grow!

COLOR!There's still a little space for some more ground cover.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Father's Day

Bill and Marshall sunning themselves after Bill's bike ride.

We had a nice little weekend at home which we needed, we're headed out of town for 10+ days and we had a lot of work to do pre-trip. We are trying to get our yard finished up so we can focus on making a space in the house for the baby, due in October. Creating space for another person to live with us is kind of scary, never mind the baby part.

We had a little baby practice on Saturday, we visited friends who have a 5 week old baby named Ella and we both got to hold Ella and experience that newborn loveliness that causes parents to swoon. I can't wait!

Bill got away from me for a while on Sunday morning and went out for a bike ride that takes you through some of the local Oregon wine country (Kings Valley). It's a fun ride with some fun descents and risers that I used to love to push. Rather than sitting around being jealous of him, I pursued my new hobby: shopping at Target. It keeps me distracted from having paranoid thoughts about Bill getting hit by a car and I got new underwear out of the deal. Sweet!

In case you think I'm losing my triathlon edge... oh no. I negotiated with Bill that post-baby he will support me in having training time and that I get to pick a nice race to do. He seems to think this involves the local sprint triathlon circuit. I'm thinking a half Ironman or olympic distance somewhere fun and challenging. We'll see what happens, the baby might not be a fan of triathlon.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Practically Hawaii

Some nice things happened this week:
  • We paid off our credit card debt
  • We confirmed a really long road trip and we're leaving next Friday
  • I slept better this week and my legs aren't twitching as much
  • Strawberries are coming in and we planted too many (awesome)

Today we drove over to the community pool at lunch time and swam outdoors in the sun. It was great, I almost got a tiny bit of sun! Then we went to a Hawaii themed potluck for my office and enjoyed some really good food. I won a door prize: a bra with hawaiian flowers on it. It was basically like I was living on a Hawaiian island today. OK maybe I was just really happy it was Friday.

Paying the credit card debt off was a big deal, that leaves us with one debt: our house. That's it! No school or car loans hanging over our heads. Just in time to have a very expensive baby. It was good to be debt free while it lasted a whole 2 minutes.

Our road trip is going to be epic: Bend, OR - Boise, ID - Park City, UT - Moab or similar - Grand Canyon - Phoenix, to various CA stops. Bill has to do some work in CA and we haven't put that part of the trip together yet. I think we'll be gone 10 days and we're taking the dog. The cats will stay with house sitters. I can't wait to get out of town and see some new areas! Almost as good as a trip to Hawaii but I'll save going there when I'm not a mini blimp and can't enjoy some mixed drinks.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Can you forget that you are pregnant?

We went to the Dr. yesterday for a monthly pregnancy check-up, you get to go every 4 weeks when you are pregnant, which is good, because otherwise you might forget that you were pregnant (yeah right), but bad because you have to come up with something to say to a Dr. every 4 weeks. I came prepared with a list of ailments to share with the Doc:
  1. red rash on stomach 2-3 times per week
  2. calf cramps
  3. leg twitching at night that keeps me awake
  4. lower back pain (sitting, bending, and sometimes standing)
  5. how to handle heat when we travel to AZ?
Not a bad list, there's some substance there but not a ton of drama. I left out that I've experienced the beginnings of what feel like panic attacks with mild claustrophobia because, well jeez, let's not get dramatic here. It's the beginning of a panic attack, not an actual attack. If I go full-on with the panic, I think we'll know. (Breathing deeply now... just kidding sort of)

Oddly, the Dr. looked the most concerned about the belly rash. It's probably allergies and I mostly get it when I've been outside gardening in the evening. The calf cramps and leg twitching are likely from anemia, so I get to take an additional iron supplement and if it doesn't clear up in 4 weeks, then I'll get some additional supplements.Time to hit the steak again! And finally, a ticket to physical therapy for the lower back pain since it's just going to get worse.

I feel like a hypochondriac but no, I'm just pregnant. You get lots of ailments but no drugs to treat it. Not cool. I'm already off caffeine, haven't had a single craving for a martini, and I think I've taken a pain reliever maybe twice and I think I cut it in half before I took it.

I have done two bad things: I got my hair highlighted during the first trimester and I used a pressure washer for about 5 minutes before realizing that the noise was way too loud for a fetus with developing ears. I guess do you forget that you are pregnant sometimes!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Blue Lake 2009

These photos from the weekend are a bit dark and gray, which is what the sky looked like all weekend. Temps were perfect for racing, in the mid 60s, but for hanging out, kind of dreary.

I think this is a man-made lake and there is a sign that says no one under 5 years old is allowed in the lake. They also don't allow dogs anywhere near the park. There are much nicer lakes in Oregon but this one is near the airport in Portland so it's convenient access for people in Oregon and Washington (Portland is on the Columbia River and Vancouver, Wa is on the other side of the river for those of you that haven't seen a map of the area).

Bill had a nice spot at the end of the transition area--one of the perks of being a vendor is we get there early so if he races he can get a really good spot on the rack.

They played decent music all morning and announced finisher's names as they crossed the finish line. There was massage and a chiropractic school on site so racers got some post race attention if they needed it. It's a nice event, just a gloomy kind of day.

I don't think having a pregnant wife is helping Bill's triathlon training. He's going to have to break away from my lifestyle pace and eating habits if he wants to be competitive again. Of course, he may not care about that now and I shouldn't force it on him. But... but... alright I'll try to leave him alone. Pacific Crest 1/2 is coming up in a few weeks, he hasn't been training for the distance but we thought he could do it as a training day and work on nutrition. It's usually hotter than heck in Bend that weekend so good heat preparation for racing in Cozumel. Racing in 60 degree weather isn't exactly heat training. I don't think I'll be able to not push him to train even though I know I should let it it go. Darn me!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Hello jerk!

SO I met a really big jerk this weekend which spiced up an otherwise slow and boring weekend of sales. We spent Saturday and Sunday at Blue Lake for a sprint and olympic distance triathlon this weekend. On Saturday, there were over 600 people racing the sprint triathlon and even though that is a good amount, sales were slow. There was one vendor there that had a lot of traffic, they were blowing out triathlon racing and training apparel at $10 and $20 each and they had a steady stream of customers grabbing up bargains. Bill and I bought Zoot racing flats for $20 each, they retailed for $129.

On Sunday, the olympic distance was host to the "NW triathlon club championships" and the crowd was more intense and must less interested in the vendors. Sales were terrible but I was having a nice day anyway, Bill was racing and I spent the morning reading my book and watching the transition area for Bill. A few customers stopped by and I had several positive interactions, one woman told me she was picking out her anniversary gift (for herself) from her husband and she had been looking forward to seeing me after buying a shirt last year. It was all good until...

I returned from one of my many trips to the bathroom (joys of pregnancy) to see two women struggling with a girl who look to be about 4 years old. She had a hold of a kids size t-shirt and was throwing a fit and yelling "I want it! I want it!" one of the women wrestled the shirt away from her and they left my booth. About an hour later, one of the women returns by herself and is looking at the kids tees. She says, "Do you negotiate on price?" and I say "Possibly, but if you are short on cash, I do take checks and credit cards." She says, "I don't give my credit card number out" and I say, "How much are you offering me for the shirt?" and she says "I have $5". She was holding an $18 t-shirt. I say, "Well I spend a lot of time and money to come to these events and I don't think I can sell a shirt at that price." She glares at me and says "Well it's not like you have any other customers" and storms off.

OMG lady. Why don't you just call me ugly while you are at it since you seem to be in an insulting type of mood? If by some off chance she finds my blog and reads this, she should know that:
1. she is the rudest customer I've ever had
2. most people who are short on cash are short by a dollar or two, not $12
3. the triathlon community is small, friendly, and supportive, and she doesn't fit in at all

Bill walked up right as she was leaving and I don't think he appreciated someone insulting his pregnant wife. So the weekend was a mixed bag. Bill had a "training session" at the race which will hopefully inspire him to train more frequently. I think I talked him into a little road trip (to PHX via Idaho and UT) for a vacation in a few weeks. We need some peaceful time before this baby comes and I could get out of state for a little while. Can't wait! Photos tomorrow if I find the camera cable.

Friday, June 12, 2009

I'm sorry my Canadian friends

My husband was visiting our northern neighbors this week in Calgary and Edmonton on business which meant I was flying solo with the beasts all week. I was slowly losing my mind talking to the cats and dog but that's a whole other post we can get into later.

I spoke with the hubby Wednesday night before bed and asked him what he had been doing...

"Watching 'So You Think You Can Dance' on TV" he said. (We love that show, the dancers have amazing athletic ability and there's way less corn factor than "Dancing with the Stars" but I'm sure my hubby watches it for the chicks)
I said, "Oh! They have that show in Canada?"
He said "Yeah, except they call it "So You Think You Can Dance, Eh Hoser?"

Poor Canadians, one silly movie gets made poking fun at them and the Americans just won't let it go.

I've been trying to live vicariously through my husband's athletic endeavors while I'm pregnant, the problem being that he doesn't often endeavor with athletics these days now that's he's traveling. He had some time before his flight on Thursday so he called and said he was going for a run on the waterfront. That sounded so nice to me, and exactly what I would do if I had some time in a new city and I wasn't a pregnant mothership...

After he landed he called me to let me know he arrived and I said, "How was your run?"
"Well, my legs were pretty heavy from my last workout so I ran for 12 minutes and then I laid on a park bench for a little while. I slept there for about half an hour before I got up and ran again for another 20 minutes."

Even though I'm frustrated with his lack of interest in exercise, I think that's pretty funny. I'm surprised some Canadian didn't come up on him hogging the bench and say, "Take off eh hoser!"

We will be at the Blue Lake triathlon Saturday and Sunday this weekend, I will try to blog from our hotel if I'm not sleeping. I will miss the beasts this weekend, they are the only "people" that talked to me this week. They have a great house sitter though, hopefully they'll talk to her too.

Love you Canadians!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Stoned kitty cats

Turn off your brain, I'm posting about my cats again... I'm starting a small herb garden this year and picked up some cat nip for our lazy cats.

Cassie sampled the herb and then decided to chill out before round 2.

Paranoia sets in after she partakes of the nip.

Exhausted from her paranoid episode, she rests in the cool grass and contemplates life's mysteries.

Meanwhile, Bree Bree smells something good and it isn't the cilantro.

Hey man, keep that other cat away from my nip!

This damn dog is always laying on the good pillow.
Scoot over and cuddle me... I feel good!

Our backyard is turning into a kitty cat frat house on summer break. All the cats do is lay around in the yard and nibble on nip. The dog doesn't get it and wishes they would stop rubbing up on him. Meanwhile, I've got cat hair all over the deck furniture and I'm hiding in doors since it's too hot for the mothership to sit outside. So much for my back yard summer retreat.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Screen printing basics

Here are some basics of the screen printing process that we use here in our fancy garage setup for

This is a wood frame screen, the wood is vulnerable to warping after repeated rinsing with water so a metal frame is preferential. Light sensitive emulsion is applied to the screen, this must be done in the dark and the screen must remain in the dark until you expose your image to it. There are no photos of that for obvious reasons. You can print your image onto a transparency using a basic printer, then tape the image to the screen and put under a bright light for the proper exposure time. I won't get into details here because it varies for different light wattages etc.

Once your image is burned onto the screen, you rinse away the emulsion and you are ready to print. This means you have to get your blank shirts ready. This is what my blank shirts look like after they are shipped from American Apparel, so I get to do a whole lot of ironing to get them ready to print.

There are various ways you can mix color for ink. You can even use the Pantone system, I haven't invested in that yet. I do use water based inks which are more environmentally friendly. I like color so this is one of my favorite parts.

Here is the image we burned onto the screen. I taped off areas of the screen that we are not using to print, I have two images on this screen so I had to tape off the area with the other image so it would not get ink on it.

Ink is placed on the screen and you pull the ink across the image using a squeegee. The t-shirt is underneath the screen.

The shirt with the freshly applied ink is placed under a heating element which heats the water out of the ink and sets the image onto the shirt.

The finished shirt. Bill questioned my choice of color initially but after printing we both agreed that the color turned out nice. When all is said and done, I feel happiest with new designs when I take chances and try something a little non-conventional. Bill likes the conventional designs and colors so we make a good design team.

Poppies line the roads here in Oregon this time of year and I only get to see them from the car right now since my pregnant belly isn't allowing me to ride my bike. That's ok, I have cute shirts now!

Friday, June 05, 2009

Help me!

It seems like everything I do is more difficult now that I'm pregnant. We have some big races coming up and it's time to screen print some t-shirts and get new designs ready. I tried to clean my screens (remove emulsion and ink from last print) and ended up covered in sweat and exhausted after 20 minutes. "Bill! Can you help me?"

I ordered some new inks and supplies for printing and needed to mix some activator into the emulsion but it's really hard to get the lid off new containers and I thought I should avoid the chemical smell... "Bill?" The dude works from home so it's fairly convenient for me to drive him crazy whenever I'm around.

I print with water-based inks which is more difficult to print but better for the environment. I probably still shouldn't breath in the ink smell (you heat the ink after you print which causes the water to evaporate and smells) while printing so guess who's helping me this weekend?

If you think I'm getting off easy, don't worry! I can still iron and I will need to iron around 100 t-shirts this weekend and when Bill is done printing, I will get to label and price each one and then either fold for storage or hang in my traveling inventory.

I think I'll take some photos of the process this weekend so you can check it out. It's easy and complicated but I love the freedom that comes from handling the printing myself and I guess I actually like doing the work more than I like writing a check for someone else to do it. What does that say about me?

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

I've got the ruby red slippers on

There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like...

My first triathlon bike circa 2004

My first attempt at a 100 mile ride on a rented bike on the Big Island

Maui (cry with me, I didn't like my body then)

I'm totally beating that guy in an Ironman!

Kona 2005 (that teeny skirt is long gone )

I better go back to looking at ultrasound photos, that was totally depressing. We're talking about a trip to Hawaii post-baby so we have that to look forward to. And the battle of the bulge, only this time it will end with me being happy with my body and not acting like a skinny b*tch. Youth is wasted on the youth!

Monday, June 01, 2009

Fleck Junior

Baby Fleck at 20 weeks
We had an ultrasound this afternoon and the technician was nice enough to render a 3D image for us. I've been looking at these images so long that this looks clear to me, but in case you aren't seeing an adorable baby like I am, he has his hands up near his mouth and he has eyes, a nose, and a mouth. And ears! The tech said he had a strong heart beat, I think it beats at 140 BPM right now, and that he looked good. Am I hormonal or should that make me cry?
I've been an idiot all today today, at noon I left my purse sitting wide open in the locker room on the bench while I went swimming. Some kind soul turned it in to the office for me. Then I overcooked my lunch to the point that I couldn't eat it. I went for some fish and chips around 3pm and couldn't eat most of it and I walked out of the food court with the food, still in the plastic basket it came in. I guess I'll have to go back tomorrow for another basket so we have a set.

I didn't sleep well at all last week and last night I couldn't get comfortable so I tossed and turned all night. I think I got one good night of sleep in the past week. Good practice for having a newborn, I'm just 20 weeks early. But half way through pregnancy! I think I'll go cry a little before bed, should be happy tears while I think about the little one punching my insides.