I know! How could I keep this from loyal blog readers? The two of you must be devastated. I wrote extensively about my last pregnancy that ended it miscarriage at 11 weeks and in the end, it made me really vulnerable which I didn't realize until I got pregnant again this time. I can tell you everything now that I am settling in to pregnancy this time and feel relatively confident that things are going to work out.
We have been trying for 2.5 years to get pregnant and things have been complicated and intense. When we first started, my cycles were too irregular and I had no indication that I was ovulating so I gained some weight, cut back on the exercise, and ate a healthy diet with no calorie restrictions. I gained 15 pounds over a year and my cycles become more regular (from 45+ days to 33 days) but we still didn't think I was ovulating.
My OB-GYN has an interest in infertility so she prescribed Clomid, a drug that tricks your brain into thinking it doesn't have enough estrogen so it overproduces it and causes you to ovulate. I hate Clomid but it made me ovulate so I agreed to take it every other month. I was not pregnant after several cycles and we decided to quit fertility drugs and take a break from everything so I could return to running and do a few triathlons. That's when I got pregnant the first time. That's right, I got pregnant when I quit taking fertility drugs. Sadly, the pregnancy was not to be.
Fast forward a year and a few months later and I had been taking the Clomid again but I wasn't getting pregnant. My Dr. referred me to a fertility specialist in the big city and I was just a few weeks away from my first appointment, but first, my Dr. wanted to do a little test called a Clomid challenge. The results came back normal (it tests the age of your eggs) and she advised us to do an insemination (an insemination is a simple procedure where they get the best sperm and inject it into the uterus around the time of ovulation--think turkey baster) during that cycle since I was drugged up. I didn't want to do the procedure. It's slightly humiliating for Bill to provide a sample and I had no faith that the procedure would work anyway since we had done it twice before with no results.
I had a positive ovulation test on Friday that month which meant we would have to do the insemination at urgent care at the hospital the next day since my Dr's office was closed on the weekend. I didn't want to do it, but something told me to schedule the appt. It couldn't get any less romantic but our baby was conceived at urgent care that weekend. Luckily, my OB-GYN was on call so she handled the insemination herself. I owe this woman so much, she kept me going when I wanted to quit and was there for us when we needed her. Plus she impregnanted me, how do you thank someone for that?
I put the procedure out of my mind afterward and didn't think about it until two weeks later when we had a party to go to. I wanted to enjoy a drink for my friend's birthday so I decided to take a pregnancy test, if it was negative, then I would enjoy my drink. I had no expectation it would be positive but the test was positive!
I was pregnant. I went into a mild shock. Bill was thrilled and carried the test around like it was a winning lottery ticket. We went to the party, not planning to tell anyone, but my friend busted me. She said, "Why aren't you having a drink?" My face turned red and she knew immediately! I only told a few more people after that because I spent the next 3 months in a constant state of worry and anxiety.
My experience with pregnancy, as a 36 year old with infertility issues and a miscarriage, is a completely different experience than a couple that conceives the old fashioned way on their first try. I want to write about it over the next few days, then I'm going to move on to other topics.
The bottom line is a beautiful one: we are expecting a baby boy on Oct. 18th and whatever road we take to get to that point will just be part of the exciting journey.